the sky is falling!!!

I have no where to start with my thoughts.

My brain has been a milkshake of thoughts here recently.

Maybe we can start off with the most pressing: someone broke into my car and stole my $100 headphones so now I have to type this to the music that the coffee shop I’m sitting in is playing.

Not only that, I have to listen to other people's conversations and listen to people order the strangest fall flavored coffees (as I sip my maple latte). 

The next thing that is bothering me is my job. If you know me, you know that I recently started teaching 3rd grade at a charter school. But MAN teaching feels like the last thing I’m doing. 

There's a few videos going around about how bad students are struggling and how disengaged they are. If you need to hear it from a familiar voice, let that voice be mine.

These babies are struggling.

Not just academically, but socially and developmentally. Sure, let's talk about academics first. Students all over the country are about three years behind. Because of the pandemic, many of these babies had to learn the alphabet through a computer screen. Simple addition, phonics, and how to write their name were all taught through distance learning. Most of the things we learn in our younger years are hands-on knowledge. Having two pennies and physically separating them and putting them back together. Having someone hold our hand as we trace our name. These babies were trying to figure it all out on their own. 

Because they were trying to figure it out on their own, they don’t know how to be in a learning environment with other students that they 1. Don't know and 2. Are not related to, which I know may sound like the same thing but when you put it in the context of a classroom, it makes more sense. If your cousin or sibling was in your class, you may have gotten into it but at the end of the day, y'all had each other's backs. Nah, these kids treat each other with personal vendettas. There's so much hate and animosity. Yeah, one minute they're playing ball together or sharing Takis but the next, they're slapping each other in the face and saying, “that's why you aint got no mom”, to students they know nothing about. 

Maybe it's just me, but my classmates were my family. Of course we had our petty arguments and occasional fight but we were not physically and verbally abusive to each other every single day. Most days I feel like a WWE referee rather than a teacher. It can be so discouraging. 

Normally, I would just say forget it and quit. But I am learning how to face things. Plus, these kids need us. My team contains the most soft-hearted people but these kids are turning us into intoxicated monsters. We should be cheersing to positive test scores not surviving the day but a win is a win if I’m being honest. 

That is how I’m choosing to stay positive. “A win is a win”. 

But how many battles do I have to win in order for the war to be over?

Speaking of war, you know where I’m headed, the Palestine, Congo and Sudan genocides are really stressing me out. Sure I may be American but I have a heart and NO ONE should feel unaffected by what’s going on.

If you haven’t heard what's going on, honestly, are the lights on under your rock? Sorry, that might have been harsh but if you haven't heard what's going on at this point, you are choosing to be ignorant. And that is a part of the problem. 

The least you can do is inform yourself. 

Now, I’m no journalist and I know my voice is just an echo in the crowd but I hope it reverberates in your heart and spirit. The genocides that are happening around the world are wrong and something needs to be done. 

Many people are calling people in charge, joining organized protests, boycotting Starbucks, McDonalds and Disney, and spreading awareness. If you would like to help, find something that you can do and do it. There is power in numbers. 

I feel like usually, I can manage all this stress but I realized long ago that my sanity is directly linked to the state of the world. Not my current happenings or the amount of love I have in my life or the amount of money in my pockets, but the joy of the world. 

Quite tragic in my opinion.

But this is why I must hold on to my hope, fiercely and tightly. 

My joy depends on it. My life depends on it. If there is no hope, then what's the point? If there is no possibility to see the light, the only thing left is to become it. 

I believe wholeheartedly that it lies within us, the ability to heal the world.

My Eyes are Set On: *in my Ms. America voice* world peace! 

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