Light Work

By Jalauna Phillips

I have been consistently waking up at 7 am. Mainly because my bf has to be up by 7 but even after he leaves, I just stay up, even if I don't have to be up for a little while longer. 

I’ve decided to stop fighting it and just stay up… and scroll.

During my morning TikTok scroll, I came across an elder by the name of Joyce Fields. I usually scroll past the live videos but something about Ms. Fields made me stop in my tracks. 

The light was hitting her face perfectly and she uttered, “words to know if you have a negative mindset.” How did she know???

A few weeks ago, I went back to therapy after about a year off. One of the first questions that my therapists asked was, “what do you want to get out of this?” That was easy, “I want to be a better thinker,” I responded.

I don’t know when it started but I have a bad case of the “bad thoughts”. Bad vibes, bad juju, bad energy. Which have led to bad habits and bad actions. 

Ms. Fields listed off the words and I almost threw my phone. The words were anger, resentment, jealousy, lying/dishonesty, shame, guilt… just to name a few. I got so upset because she was talking about me. When I heard those words, all I could picture was me.

This winter was dark. And cold. And I found myself representing each of those words that describe someone with a negative mentality. 

The other thing that caught my attention was Ms. Fields saying that a positive mindset is a choice, which blew me because if a positive mindset is a choice, what is a negative mindset? Do we just go throughout our days teetering between positive and negative thoughts??

Honestly, in my expert opinion, I believe whatever you are surrounded by becomes your default. The people, activities and vibrations you surround yourself with affect how you think and operate in the world. 

I’ve been marinating on the word “intentionality” for the past few months but it only just now made sense to me. Being intentional involves CHOOSING where you want your energy to go. For a while now, I have been allowing myself to fall into a rut, inevitably changing my thought process into a negative mentality. 

But I am writing this to you, the universe, myself and God to declare that from now on, I will be working on developing and maintaining a positive attitude. 

Not just in the bad situations but the small, minute, grand and extreme situations. Ms. Fields said, “the energy you put out is what you get in return,” and I am so tired of this negative energy.

I release the anger I hold towards myself and others, I release the resentment I hold, I release the dishonesty, I release the jealousy, I release the shame and the guilt. 

I open myself to positive opportunities, positive people, positive vibes and all things positive. 

I am capable of seeing the light again. And I know you are too :) 

My Eyes are Set On: LIGHT AGAIN!