Guided by the Light

“let my intentions be what my spirit desires”

I am blown away by this quote. Flabbergasted at the truth of the matter. If there is one thing I trust, it is the goodness of spirit. The hope it possesses. 

There’s a scripture in the Bible, Ephesians 6:12, that basically says our battle is not against flesh and blood but of principalities and evil spirits in heavenly places. It got me thinking about the unseen.

I’ve always hated scary movies, I just can’t stomach them. I literally had a panic attack after watching Saw. (Great storyline, unforgettable horror)

I’m just not cut out for this whole evil/sinister/demonic thing.

And that’s what living in America 2024 feels like. Just pure evil. From racism to sexism, from homelessness to hunger, from sea to shining sea, it all just seems like a scary horror movie.

I have been blessed with a roof over my head, parents (emphasis on the s)who love me, food in my belly, abledbodibess (definitely made that up), education, and physical safety since I can remember. Many people can’t say the same.

And that should be terrifying.

The fact that someone else is suffering at the benefit of someone else should churn your stomach.

This unseen (but with visible effects) principality of individualism will be the end of life for some. Not me tho, y’all be safe.

Only because I will die on the hill that community will be our saving grace. There is hope in community. 

•••

I remember Halloween 2012 like it was yesterday.

I had just gone to a Halloween party that my cheer peer hosted. Me and my best friend were riding home, laughing and stuffing our faces with candy. We pulled up to the house and immediately something was off.

There were cars lining the driveway and street getting to my house. Typically, this type of crowd only appears on Sunday evening so I was consumed when I remembered it was a Wednesday night.

I hoped out the car scurried to the door, only to be met with shattered glass at my feet.

Someone had broken in.

I don’t remember much of that night but I remember being afraid. Afraid that they might retire or worse, still be there. I remember the fear and anger that crept through the house. I remember the paranoia that followed.

But I will also never forget the cars lined in the driveway and in the street.

I can’t remember who all was there but I remember that they were.

•••

Without getting into the history of it all, my adoration for community comes from my ancestors.

I am some percent Native American and since finding this out, I have been obsessed with their way of life.

From Powwows to the connection to the land. We can learn a lot from studying Native Americans. But what I feel most connected to is the need for community.

Me and my family would not have made it through Halloween 2012 without our family. We wouldn’t have survived death and heartbreak without the shoulders to cry on and hands to hold.

I would not have survived my depression without my community. My list of family and friends who have loved me in my dark days and lifted me higher in my brightest.

We have to go back to our old ways of taking care of each other.

I hope I’m not just yapping. I hope this lands in the heart of someone who feels scared, restless and alone.

I trust and know that my spirit is good, therefore I allow my intentions to be what my spirit desires, which is hope, love, community and evolution. 

I am sorry that it’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been having trouble getting what’s inside, out. Thank you for your patience and thank you for reading :)

Xoxo,

J 🌞